Anger

So I tried to write all my problems out as I was told to do. You would think it would be easier if I wasn't drunk but in fact, it wasn't.
I do not have a drinking problem, squashing that thought right now.  My friends noticed I am going through some mental shit and decided to help out.  So yes, I am drunk right now and going back to the original topic, my thoughts are scrambled.  With or without and it doesn't take a psych to tell you.
Anger classes seem to be a dead end, they tell me I don't have a problem but instead, select people around don't know how to handle real life as a real person.  Ya, that helps me, thanks for the 3rd party degradation.  Everyone is always trying to place blame on someone else, even when you yourself is placing blame on yourself, someone has to tell you that you're wrong.  This is ridiculous.
So here I am, angry because I'm being told I'm not angry and the anger rises more because of how lost I feel inside. Some of my friends see the look I accidentally show from time to time but most just see the mask, as it should be.
If you don't know what has been going on for the past...... 3 weeks then you should really just stop reading and continue with your daily routine.
This is not a poor pitiful me post, this is using my only outlet that doesn't argue back. (the keybaord, haha)
I am not one to drag a reputation in the mudd besides my own nor would I ever and to keep most detail out provides much confusion to those who may or may not know what I'm talking to.  But typing this out on a keyboard that doesn't argue back is the best of ways for me to get out what I need to get out.
Yes, I am trying to maintain.  No, I am not depressed or doing drugs.  No, I do not have a drinking problem and yes, I miss her so much but refuse to make the same mistakes I did before.
Mentally, I am not ok but you wouldn't know that.  I have some great friends and a great brother who have been doing their best to keep my mind occupied on other things.  For the most part, it helps but then I try to sleep and my mind won't stop thinking about one thing in particular.  At this point, I have slept 104 out of 504 hours and that's only because my body finally just shuts down.  Somehow, this does not effect my drive.
I am determined to prove to anyone that thinks I'm nothing wrong.  I've done it before and I'll do it again and again and again and again.
So where did the problems occur?  I took a break for mental stability at the wrong time in an unexpected way without warning or thought of caring otherwise.  I needed this break that was all for nothing in the end.  Why would I just take a break from life? You should already know if you're close enough but if not, let me explain.
Since 2007, I have been the sole provider of my house taking care of my mother who is dying slowly.  This woman will live for many years to come because of how stubborn she is but still dying none the less.  I had to drop out of school so I could work more and really, I've been working ever since.  Taking on responsibilities I shouldn't have too soon.
My life=sacrifice.
No, I'm done.  Not anymore.  I lost the most important aspect of my life and now I have had it.
Am I angry?  Hell yes I am.  Do I have the right to be?  Hell yes, I do.  Do I know what I'm angry about? More or less but no, not really.  I still haven't figured out much and it probably has a lot to do with the sleeping issues but I am determined.  I want a life without sacrifice and I will have it.  I'll never get back what I lost and that is why I am so driven.
So yes, I have issues.  But we all do. Some worse than others but issues, none the less.
Again, I am drunk but I do not have a drinking problem.  Last night was my friday and this situation was brought up in conversation. I was left to think about it AGAIN so to keep my mind occupied, I wrote it down.  Sure beats cutting my arms up or smoking crack...